My Unpatriotic Side.

Well, as happens every year end, the World Junior Hockey Championship occurs, and fellow hockey nuts across this great country of ours are glued to their television sets.

Everyone but me.

I think I'm the only red blooded hockey fan who couldn't be bothered watching this. After getting over their initial surprise, and then disgust at my lack of excitement, fans of the tournament throw the same points in my face.

Point #1: World Juniors is the best hockey in the world. What's the matter with you?
I disagree. For my money, the NHL is where it's at. Part of the excitement is the extended campaign through the winter months, spiced up with the long term effects of injuries, illnesses and trades, and the presence of franchise players, personalities, and most importantly, rivalries.

The World Juniors has none of that, and for me, that's some of the best part of hockey.

Point #2: Okay, NHL lover, don't you realize these guys will be in the NHL one day?
Yep. Can't deny that. Some kids playing Tim Horton's Timbit's hockey in between periods at Manitoba Moose games could make the NHL someday too. Seriously, look at the photo of some of the players at the top of this blog post. Children.

I'll wait until these kids grow into men and make the big scene, thank you very much.

Point #3: The skill level is incredible.
Another point I can't deny. I suppose I just like watching a group of guys playing a system as a well rehearsed and oiled team, rather than just some great individual efforts.

This comment is mostly directed towards teams that Canada faces.

Point #4: Don't you like cheering for your country?
I'm a proud Canadian. Why, just last weekend I plunked half of a Sir Robert Borden on books about Canadian History. I love this country.

But cheering for Canada at the World Juniors is as exciting as watching ice melting in an oven. Sure things happen real quick, but you pretty much know what's going to happen in the end! Canada has won the last 4 tournaments, and we all know who is going to win this time around too.

The fact that Canada is going for a five-peat has pretty much sucked the excitement out of things for me. There is absolutely no challenge. No sense of danger or urgency. In the first two games of the tournament, Canada has outscored the other teams 23-1. The last game against Kazakhstan was a 15-0 shutout.

Yeah the World Junior Championship is great chance to be patriotic, if your idea of pride is stealing candy from babies. But as far as the game goes, there is absolutely nothing in this tournament to hold my interest. I was born after the 1972 Summit Series, but from what I've seen and heard, THAT'S something to get excited and patriotic for.

Real competition. Real stakes. Real emotions.

The Goal Heard Around The World.

Not shooting fish in a barrel.

Currently playing: Prism - Cover Girl
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: CLASSIFIED!
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

Masterpiece Scribbler 1983 #10

Recently, I came across an old Hilroy scribbler from 1983, containing stories I'd written for "Story writing" class in grade 3.

There are a few classics in here that I'll post over the coming weeks, such as "Mr. Scrunch's Leaf Cleaning Invention", and "The Day I Went to Backward Town". But I thought today I'd post the tenth entry in the book - a timely piece of poetry titled "Merry Christmas".

It's not the most inspiring piece of work, and while it's first line starts things off well by referencing Jesus, demonstrating my awareness of the true meaning of Christmas, it soon veers into pagan topics such as Santa, Elves, Mistletoe, and Scrooge.

The drawings (posted below) show no early evidence that I'd one day go on to become a talented artist. The manger is pretty good, but my knowledge of rabbit anatomy is lacking.

Now, without further adieu, I present, Merry Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

M is for the manger which Jesus lay in.
E is for elves which help Santa get the presents ready.
R is for Rudolph pulling Santa's sleigh.
R is for rabbits that were in the stable.
Y is for yule-log that burns in the fireplace.

C is for Christmas when children get presents.
H is for "Humbug" what Scrooge said on Christmas Eve.
R is for red it is the colour of Rudolph's nose.
I is for ivy which climb the house.
S is for snow what lay on the ground.
T is for toys that we get at Christmas.
M is for Mistletoe watch out where it hangs.
A is for angel which floated over Jesus's (sic) stable.
S is for Scrooge who loves money.

Currently playing: Honeymoon Suite - I Believe In Father Christmas
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Avengers vol. 9
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

How To Fight Off Two Robbers in Your Underwear and Have a Merry Christmas.

How time flies...

It was 10 years ago this afternoon that I fought off a home invasion in my apartment off Pembina Hwy. I got to use some pretty unorthodox methods too, which makes for a mildly entertaining story that I'll be telling until I'm old and gray.

It was December 23rd, 1998. I'd just graduated with a Fine Arts Degree from the University of Manitoba, and had my first job colouring comic books for a company called Digital Chameleon. If you can believe it, that job required me to work the midnight shift, from Midnight until 8:00 am. I'd gotten home at about 9:00 that morning, and immediately collapsed into a heap on my bed and fell asleep.

In the early afternoon, my sleep was disturbed by a constant "tik--tik--tik--" sound, coming from the hallway. Figuring it was the superintendent fixing something in the hall, I frustratedly put a pillow over my head to muffle the sound, and tried to get some more sleep, but the noise continued.

I'd had enough, so I stormed out of bed to see what was going on. As I approached the door that led to the apartment hallway, the clicking sound got louder. And then I'd noticed something -- the deadbolt was moving!

Still figuring it was the superintendent, I peeked through the spyhole, only to see someone furiously fiddling with the lock!

And there I was, WEARING NOTHING BUT A PAIR OF BLACK UNDERWEAR!

I was being broken into in broad daylight!

My first instinct was to run and grab my hockey stick and spread some Christmas cheer on this guy's knee caps, but abandoned it pretty quickly. I figured he kinda knew where to find me if ever he wanted to take revenge.

My second instinct was to grab a camera and snap a couple of photos of this guy as he stormed in through the door. While that would have been fun, I was again left with the fact that if these photos got him in trouble with the law, he'd know where I lived and how to find me, given that it was my residence he was breaking in to.

The burglar had nearly solved the deadbolt. I braced myself for a fight, still unsure as to what I was going to do once I confronted the intruder!

As the door started to move, I grabbed the handle and whipped it open. I mustered the friendliest and most apologetic voice possible, and said "Hi there! You seem to be having some trouble here... Can I give you a hand with this?".

Put yourself in his shoes. You battle a stubborn lock for 10 minutes, salivating over the potential loot inside, only to be greeted by the overly friendly inhabitant who just happens to be wearing nothing but A PAIR OF BLACK UNDERWEAR!

I've never seen someone jump like that in my life!

In response to my greeting and offer of help, he mumbled some excuse about how he was just passing by.

Yeah, right.

Anger and rage welled up inside me. I can't type out the response I had for him. A thousand curse words spilled out of my mouth as I chased him down the apartment hallway. As we turned the corner, I saw the stunned face of a second burglar (who also couldn't seem to get his lock open in less than ten minutes) watching his cohort in crime being pursed by a half naked man. This one was frozen with fear, until the first robber yelled "GO!".

Now I'm chasing TWO robbers in my underpants. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

They made it out of the building, and I chased them until I hit an ankle-deep snow drift and realized I was a little cold in my current state of dress. Hearing my baba yelling at me in my head for not dressing according to the weather, I ran back inside and phoned the cops.

In the event the girls who were in the car in the parking lot are reading this, I'd also like to state that the same phenomena that occurs in cold lake water also applies when you're in -30 degree weather in your underpants. Just for the record. Also, thanks for not offering to help! That's the Christmas spirit!

The tale of how I came to save my apartment block from two robbers while wearing only the most basic of clothes is a story I'll be telling this time every year for decades to come. But every time I retell it, I can't help but think of the story those two thieves have to tell, about the time their crime spree was interrupted by a fiesty, svelte, naked, chiseled-muscled, handsome man who chased them across town.

Hopefully they're reminded of it now, sitting in jail, still being chased by men in their underwear.

Currently playing: Bing Crosby and Carol Richards - Silver Bells
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Avengers vol. 9
Proudly in my third Cola free year!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Is it really "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?

If your prone to taking everything you're told at face value, then I suppose you'd be right. But I for one would like to see some scientific data backing that statement up. Or at the very least a scientifically conducted poll with a low +/- error.

All kidding aside, I love Christmas. Cat and I, getting ready for our daughter's first Christmas have been cranking the holiday tunes to the max. Having listened to literally TENS of songs over the last few days, I feel compelled to narrow down a list of 5 of my favourite Christmas songs.

Geez, and I turning into Oprah Winfrey? Here's a list of my faaaaaaaaaavourite things!!!! (cue fanatical, predominantly female crowd reaction).

Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms
The perfect, rockabilly Christmas song. No cover version has ever come close to capturing its "jingle-hop" essence. I'm still not certain what classifies a "Jingle-horse", but what the heck - it's Christmas, I'll take a ride!

Silent Night - Aaron Neville
Ah, the dulcet warblings of Aaron Neville. The guy sounds like he's singing while using one of those old 1950's vibrating belt exercise machines. Still, his version of Silent Night is probably better at soothing people than Morphine is, and I mean that as a compliment.

O, Holy Night - Celine Dion
I can't stand Celine Dion, however, she belts this song good. Laugh at me all you like, but if you're not pumping your fist in the air and declaring "Christ is the Lord" by the end of this song, you have no soul whatsoever. Seriously. The woman's Vegas shtick makes me sick to my stomach, and she really needs to put some meat on those bones, but man, does her rendition of this classic ever hit home what the true meaning of Christmas is all about!

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives
This song will forever remind me of one of my favourite Christmas television shows - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It's hard not to picture Sam the Snowman singing this every time I hear it. My two favourite parts of the song have to be the sheer, rushed gusto with which Ives sings the lines "KISS'ER once for me!", and "HAVE A holly, jolly Christmas". Great stuff.

Twelve Days of Christmas - Bob and Doug McKenzie
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... a beer. It doesn't get any better than that. Showcasing some other great Canadian gifts like back bacon and golden toques, this rambling poorly sung epic is a Christmas classic if you live north of the 49th parallel. If you disagree, then take off, hoser! Merry Christmas, and good day.

Currently playing: Wham - Last Christmas
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: Avengers vol. 9
Proudly in my third Cola free year!