Wanted. Dead. Or Alive.

Calling all yaciuk.blogspot.com Irregulars! I'm in need of a bit of help here. I need to call upon the collective resources of anyone who reads this message in a bottle.

I'm on the hunt for a few videos on the web, and cannot find them to save the life of me. I will personally hand over ten of my own Canadian dollars for the capture of any of the following:

1. Saturday Night Live - Inside the Actor's Studio with Billy Bob Thornton
Will Ferrell does an incredible job portraying the pompous James Lipton, of Inside the Actor's Studio. In this particular skit, Billy Bob Thornton becomes so annoyed with Lipton's pretentious questions, he tries to shoot him with a high powered rifle. If it doesn't sound to be an example of the utmost hilarity, it's because you haven't seen it. It's memorable for the line: "When Jean Claude van Damme was on the show, he said acting is like a ferocious bag of hope with wide feet and thick, yellow fingernails. "

For a transcript, click here.

2. Saturday Night Live - Aaron Neville
If Horatio Sanz were ever to commit a felony in the Continental US, he should be given an exclusive pardon for bringing his impression of Aaron Neville into this world. If you haven't seen his impression, you must. It is like looking into the face of God and seeing Him smiling back and saying, "You are my most wondrous creation". The reward here is ten of my own dollars for every online link to a skit featuring Horatio Sanz as Aaron Neville.

You heard me. Ten freakin' dollars. Each.

The episode I'm most interested in is one that aired the night before Super Bowl Sunday. Neville (Sanz) is featured rehearsing the national anthem.. The performance was an over the top caricature of Neville's dulcet timbre. Well, is seemed like a caricature at the time. If you saw Neville's real life Super Bowl performance the next day, you'd realize that Sanz does Neville better than Neville does himself. These skits are memorable for the constant references to "Cocoa Butter".

3. Man vs.. Beast - Takeru Kobayashi versus Diamond, the Kodiak Bear.
This one is the holy grail folks. Obviously, this come to us from the FOX network. The premise of the show is genius. If you can't guess what the show is about from the title, go back and read it again, very slowly. Man. Versus. Beast. The schedule of matches are as follows:

• Sumo versus Orangutan Tug of War
• Olympic Sprinter versus Giraffe and Zebra Race
• Navy Seal versus Chimp Obstacle Course
• Midgets versus Elephant Airplane Pull

By far, the highlight of the show involved an enormous Kodiak Bear participating in the Olympic sport of Hot Dog Eating. The bear is up against the current record holder in the Hot Dog Eating arena, a skinny runt by the name of Takeru Kobayashi. The match's highlight involves commentary from two sports anchors, who treat the events with the utmost gravitas while discussing the pros and cons of Kobayashi's Solomon method against the bear's less scientific "Eat two hot dogs at a time" method.

After the bear ate the proverbial pants off of the human, he posed atop the ring (yes, the competition took place in a wrestling ring), and celebrated his victory with an ear shattering roar. It is also remotely possible that the bear was oblivious to the contest, and was merely following his instincts to eat. It was hard to tell.

This video was the height of ludicrosity. I need to see this again. Ten of my crispest dollars to the person who can provide me with links to these videos!

Currently playing - Paul Anka - Jump
Currently colouring: Classified!
Now entering my sixty-first Cola free day!