Friday, April 28, 2006

Might as well JUMP! (JUMP!)

It was 10 years ago today that the Winnipeg Jets played their last game, a 4-1 loss to the Detroit Red Wings. The loss ended the Jets playoff run, and their status as an NHL franchise.

As a Jets fan, it wasn't a great game. It was, however, a night I'll never forget. The "White Out" was in full effect. The building was sold out. The noise was deafening.

The Winnipeg Jets. 1972 - 1996. Ten years ago today, we said goodbye.

Rest in Peace old friend.

Currently playing - Van Halen - Jump
Now entering my fifteenth Cola free day!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Pripyat and the 30K Zone

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster, the worst nuclear power accident in the history of mankind. Conservative estimates approximate the death toll to be around 93,000 people. The amount of radiation released was over 400 times higher than the 1945 atomic bomb detonated over Hiroshima that ended World War II.

In university, I had the privilege of studying photography under Professor David McMillan. David has spent over a decade photographing the area around Chernobyl. Rather than describe the intentions behind his work, I'll let him speak for himself.

In 1994, eight years after the accident, I read a magazine article describing the condition of the area, which became known as the exclusion zone. Many of the artifacts of the citizenry were left behind, and thousands of acres of formerly productive farmland were left to lie fallow. My photographic interests had long been in the relationship between nature and culture, so the subject seemed very rich in possibilities. I was intrigued enough to arrange a visit, and in October of 1994, I went to photograph the exclusion zone for the first time.

I soon realized that the city of Pripyat, where the employees of the nuclear power plant and their families once lived, was where my real interests lay. The Atomic City, as it was once known, was considered one of the finest places to live in the former Soviet Union. The first apartments were built in the mid-seventies, when the power plant was under construction, and at the time of the accident, it was home to 45,000 people. There were all the amenities of a modern Soviet city, with many schools, stores, hospitals, and recreational and cultural facilities. It is now uninhabitable and will never be lived in again.

Read the full artist's statement here.

I'm going to post a few of the images that speak most to me, although these digital images really don't do the work justice. If you ever get the chance to see these images in person, do yourself a favour and spend some time with them. I'll announce any local exhibits that I'm aware of here.

Trees growing through the floors of buildings. Cribs that will never hold life again. Toys abandoned. Despite the man-made tragedy that has affected these items, nature is beginning to reclaim all. Chernobyl, as seen through David's eyes, is both mesmerizing and haunting. Beautiful and terrifying. Distant, yet familiar. In David's words:

The exclusion zone is a remarkable and surprising place, not dead and static, as one would expect, but full of growth and change.

Time to let the work speak for itself! All of David's photographs can be found on his website, Pripyat and the 30K Zone.

Click on a thumbnail below to see a full sized image.





Currently playing - U2 - Until the End of the World
Now entering my thirteenth Cola free day!

An interesting side note. Chernobyl is Ukrainian for "Mugwort", also known as "Wormwood". Some people believe that the Chernobyl accident was prophesied in the Bible's Book of Revelations:
And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters; and the name of the star is called Wormwood: and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter. — Revelation 8:10-11

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Optical Illusion

Currently playing: Queen - Sheer Heart Attack
Now entering my twelfth Cola free day!

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Misadventures of Lord Stanley

The National Hockey League begins their post season tonight. In honour of this momentous occasion, I'm going to share with you some of the wackier, publicly known misadventures that the Stanley Cup has been on.

It's hard to believe that it's survived the following abuses:
  • A member of the 1905 Ottawa Silver Seven tried to see if he could drop kick the Cup across the Rideau Canal. The attempt failed, and the Cup was not retrieved until the next day; luckily the river was still frozen over.
  • Weeks after members of the 1906 Montreal Wanderers left it at a photographer's studio, officials learned that the photographer's mother was using the Cup to plant geraniums.
  • Members of the 1924 Canadiens, en route to celebrate their win at owner Leo Dandurand's home, left it by a roadside after repairing a flat tire. The Cup was recovered exactly where they left it.
  • In 1925, Lynn and Muzz Patrick, the sons of Victoria Cougars manager-coach Lester Patrick, discovered the Cup in the basement of their home, and scratched their names on it with a nail. In 1940, their names would be properly engraved on it as members of the New York Rangers. They also urinated in the Cup with teammates.
  • During the 1940-41 season, the mortgage on the Madison Square Garden was paid. The management publicly celebrated by burning the mortgage in the Cup. Some fans claimed that this act "desecrated" the Cup, leading to the alleged Curse of 1940, which "caused" the Rangers to wait 54 years for another win.
  • New York Islanders' Bryan Trottier admitted to sleeping with the Cup (as have, apparently, dozens of players).
  • Clark Gillies used it as a food dish for his dog.
  • In 1988, the Edmonton Oilers' Mark Messier took it to a strip club and let fans drink out of it. It wound up slightly bent in various places for unknown reasons. It was repaired at a local automotive shop, and shipped back to the Hockey Hall of Fame.
  • The 1991 Pittsburgh Penguins and 1993 Montreal Canadiens decided to test its buoyancy by tossing it into Mario Lemieux's and Patrick Roy's respective pools ("The Stanley Cup" - noted then-Canadiens captain Guy Carbonneau - "does not float.").
  • After the parade in their honor, members of the New York Rangers took the cup to McSorley's Old Ale House, locked the doors, and for 45 minutes allowed the patrons to hoist it above their heads and drink McSorley's Dark and Light out of it. The New York Post reported the next day that the cup was taken back by the league for "repairs".
  • Several New York Rangers took the Cup to Belmont Park, filled it with oats, and let Kentucky Derby winner Go for Gin eat out of it.
  • The Dallas Stars' Guy Carbonneau dropped the Cup into musician Vinnie Paul's pool, resulting in a dent at its base.
  • In 2003, the Cup was slated to make its first-ever visit to Slovakia with New Jersey Devils' Jiří Bicek, but was left behind in Canada; it was on the next flight out of Toronto.
  • On August 22, 2004, Walter Neubrand, keeper of the Cup, boarded a plane to Fort St. John, British Columbia to deliver it to Tampa Bay Lightning head scout Jake Goertzen. However, Air Canada officials at Vancouver International Airport removed it before takeoff because of weight restrictions. The Cup spent the night in the luggage area, 750 miles (1200 kilometres) away. It was flown to Fort St. John the following day.
Hopefully the Cup officials learned their lesson, and started to fly WestJet instead.

Currently playing: Sniff'n the Tears - Driver's Seat
Now entering my eighth Cola free day!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I've been clean for 6 days.

It's true - I have a problem. I love Cola. It's not uncommon for me to drink over 2 liters of it per day. And yes, the rumours are true - sometimes I drink it for breakfast.

It's sick!

As I write this, I'm entering my 7th Cola free day. I haven't touched a drop of Cola since last Friday - not so much on purpose, it just kinda happened that way. It's not been easy, and it is only going to get tougher. I've got to start (and hopefully finish!) a bunch of projects around the house this weekend, and I don't know how well I'll hold up without my usual vice.

Today, I started thinking about how much I haven't been thinking about how badly I think I want cola. (I think) Which got me thinking about something I'd stumbled across on the Coca-Cola website a few years back. Their FAQ used to have a "Myths" section (which used to be located at http://www2.coca-cola.com/contactus/faq/ingredients.html"). It was so good, I saved it, pulling it out every few months for a laugh. It is a fine example of the beauty that can happen when Spin Doctors and Legal Departments collaborate.

Is caffeine addictive?
It has become popular to use the word "addiction" loosely. People will sometimes say they are "addicted" to chocolate, football or watching television. But, according to the World Health Organization, "There is no evidence whatsoever that caffeine use has even remotely comparable physical and social consequences which are associated with serious drugs of abuse." Some people who have consumed large quantities of products with caffeine on a regular basis and then suddenly reduce their intake substantially have reported experiencing temporary symptoms such as headaches or fatigue lasting over a two- or three- day period. Because the caffeine levels used in soft drinks are low, it is unlikely that such side effects would occur from a cessation of soft drink consumption.

This paragraph reads like the quick disclaimers at the end of those drug commercials on television. Next thing you know, they will be telling it's become popular to use the word "hyperactive" loosely. Oh, wait a minute....

Does sugar make children hyperactive?
Definitely not. Sugar does provide energy to the body; however, making energy available by eating something sweet is not the same as causing someone to be active and excited. The concern that eating sugar makes children hyperactive originated in the mid-seventies and was based on anecdotal observations by parents and teachers. A parent would see his child eat cake and drink fruit punch at a party, for example, and then notice an increase in activity. The natural tendency was to link the hyperactive behavior to what the child consumed and to disregard other factors show no association between sugar consumption and hyperactive behavior. In fact, after reviewing research in this area, the FDA, the U.S. Surgeon General, The American Dietetic Association and the National Academy of Sciences have failed to find substantive evidence to prove a cause-and-effect relationship between sugar consumption and hyperactivity.

In other words, Guns don't kill people, people kill people. Yeah. Right. And stranglers don't kill people, their hands do.

There is a message making the rounds of the Internet that says that carbonated soft drinks can be used for a variety of household purposes, such as removing rusty bolts and cleaning greasy cloths. Is this true, and does it mean soft drinks are unhealthy?
The message you cite also mentions that baking a ham basted with Coca-Cola produces a delicious gravy -- and that is definitely true! The other claims in the message may also be true to a lesser extent because there is a small amount of edible acid present in many foods, including fruit juices, buttermilk, and soft drinks, such as Coca-Cola. These foods are not acidic enough to harm your body tissues -- in fact, your own natural stomach acid is stronger. It is possible that the edible acid in any of these products could have the effects described in the E-mail you mention, even though it's still quite safe to drink these products. However, we don't make any claims relating to other uses. Instead, we recommend using products which were designed for cleaning or rust removal.

This one is great. It's what the grizzled old coots (colloquially known as "seniors", or "the elderly") refer to as "The Ol' One-Two". First, they distract you by mentioning a delicious gravy, and then, once they've got you relaxed, they quietly minimize the true dangers of "edible acids". I also love how the legal department made them follow up with a statement encouraging us to not hold them liable for any damages that may be caused by using Cola as a rust removal product.

Well, I'm going to try to not pad their wallets any more. Hopefully I can start cutting this poison out of my life once and for all.

Let Day 7 begin!

Currently playing: Loverboy - Lovin' Every Minute Of It
Now entering my seventh Cola free day!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there

For a while, it seemed like everyone I knew was moving, or thinking about moving to Calgary. Like Vancouver in the 90's, Calgary has been the place to go if you're in your 20's and looking for work. I knew an business major from Saskatchewan whose entire graduating class left the province to find work in Calgary.

I've been there a few times over the last 5 years. As a matter of fact, I was there last week! It is a nice place to visit, but like anywhere else, the grass just seems greener on the other side.

Top 5 reasons why Calgary is not a flawless mecca of perfection.

Bridges
Calgary supposedly has a warm climate, not that you can enjoy it by walking anywhere! You'll go no farther than the nearest bridge or overpass! None of them have accompanying sidewalks. I suppose you're expected to portage your own canoe around to cross the waterways. Perhaps you can just drive over them with your oversized pickup truck, of which, everyone in the city has no fewer than 2.

Calgary Flames
I'd rather have NO NHL team than have the Flames. As Winnipeggers, we hated the Flames with a passion when the Jets were still around. Suddenly, they make it to the Stanley Cup finals and everyone is a Flames fan. Sorry, I still wear my blue white and red proudly. Go Jets Go.

Calgary International Airport
The airport is pretty enough, it's easier on the eyes than Winnipeg International, but it's a bastard mélange of metal and wood! It's a freakin' wood paneled Station Wagon!!!

Suburban roadways
Below is a map of Calgary, placed next to a photo of a plate of spaghetti. If anyone can tell me which one is the map, and which is the plate of spaghetti, I will personally send you ten of my own dollars. Street names
Click on the image below to open up a map of the Riverbend Park subdivision. How many streets can you find that start with the word "River"?

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

I'll save you the effort. The answer is ALL OF THEM! Can you imagine if we applied this naming convention to Main Street? You'd not only have Main Street, but Main Crescent. Main Road. Main Park Boulevard Way Gate Drive. Who the HELL thought that this was a good idea??!!

If you plan to visit Calgary any time soon, I offer the following advice.
Don't Walk.
Don't wear a Jets jersey if you value your life.
Don't let your pet beaver loose at the airport.
Your map will taste better if you add oregano and meatballs.
And lastly, don't leave home without a certified GPS unit in good working condition. Or at least enough breadcrumbs to leave a good trail. That way you won't spend 3 hours wandering the homogonously named streets of Riverbend Park.

Worst 3 hours of my life.

Currently playing: Rolling Stones - Wild Horses
Now entering my fourth Cola free day!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

I can die a happy man.

It started out so well...

I hopped the wrong sky train. I'd left my credit card on the nightstand. I went to the wrong arena. I ran 8 city blocks faster than Donovan Bailey. I hopped on a transit bus that had a 50% chance of taking me where I wanted to go.

But I made it.

I fought through obstacle after obstacle, in a foreign city, and miraculously made my way to join a sell-out crowd at Vancouver's Pacific Coliseum to sit in the third row and see the surviving members of the greatest rock group my ears had ever been introduced to.

Queen.

They took the stage with Paul Rodgers (vocalist for Bad Company and Free) shortly after I'd finished my hot dog and watered down beer. And from the opening riff of Tie Your Mother Down, to the fading strains of God Save the Queen, the show was brilliant.

It was one of those moments in life that never seem to happen enough. Any of the usual stresses of daily life we all experience were wiped away. For 2 and a half hours, I only needed to know three things: what lyrics to scream, which hand held the beer, and that Queen were rocking out in front of me.

For me, the highlight of the night would be during the performance of Hammer to Fall. Brian May stood on the catwalk, about 15 feet in front of me, ripping through the awesome guitar solo. The crowd went nuts and began clapping to the beat. My cousin Scott and I each had a beer in hand, and obviously couldn't properly show our respect and approval to this Guitar God who was given permission from the pantheon above to walk the earth and grace us with his presence. With our free hands, we gave a steady thumbs up, and with the other, raised our beers to him, as if to acknowledge "Hey! We'd clap if we could, because you have humbled us with your presence! But, man! What are we supposed to do with these beers!".

Without flinching or omitting any of the blistering notes being propelled from his instrument, Mr. May met my gaze, then looked Scott in the eye, and gave us a nod of approval, as if to say "It's all right boys! You overpaid for those beers - I wouldn't put them down either! Thanks for loving the show!".

And in a flash, he was gone, leaving behind a stunned duo, who both looked at each other and simultaneously exclaimed "Did Brian Freakin' May just look at us!??!"!

Now I'm not a fan of celebrities, and it takes one hell of a person for me to bestow upon them the title of "Idol", but Brian May more than earns it. And I don't care if it makes me seem like a giddy schoolgirl, but a man I respect, and dare I say, idolize, looked me square in the eyes. Man, THAT was cool.

The ticket was $130
The souvenir t-shirt, $40
The beer and hot dog, $10
The Sky Train that took me to the wrong arena halfway across town, $4.50
The service charge to take money out of the arena's bank machine, $2.50
To have the opportunity to have my ear drums rendered asunder by the gods of my youth...?

Priceless.

I can now die a happy man.

Currently playing: Diesel - Sausalito Summernights
Now entering my third Cola free day!

P.S. - I've been away from the computer and on vacation for what feels like weeks, so the old blog has been a bit stagnant. Fear not. I'm back in black!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Keeping it in the family!

This May, Marvel Comics is set to release it's Civil War series. It's gaining a bit of notoriety in the national press, as it deals with a national tragedy, (9/11 style), and the reactions of governments, conservatives and liberals, all told through the stories of superheros.

Some people feel that comics should be a form of escapism, and have no right tackling sensitive issues of the day. Hogwash, says I!

Comics have a long and storied history of being born of topical events.

Captain America is a piece of propaganda, created to battle the Nazi war machine. Iron Man's anti-communist origin was forged in the jungles of Vietnam. And the X-Men - super powered mutants who are a minority in normal society, are an allegory for the struggles against racism and segregation in 1960's America.

And then there is Superman, who upholds Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

And, uh, also Incest. While we're at it, throw Adultery into the mix... Read for yourself! The following is an excerpt from a 1962 Superman comic.

Superman's cousin (the aptly named Supergirl), tries to find Superman a wife, and introduces him to a cavalcade of suitors.
Whoops-a-daisy. Supergirl! It seems you've set him up with "Saturn Girl", and her HUSBAND, "Lightning Man" ain't to happy about it! That looks like an open mouthed kiss to me! If I were Lightning Man (who names these dorks anyway?!), I would have said something after the first kiss, not the second! (Mind you, if it was Superman, I might be a bit scared to say anything!)

After all that searching, it seems that the gal Superman wants is right in front of his eyes!
Whoo-boy! Sounds like the writer of this particular rag had a few skeletons in his closet!

So there you have it! From racism, to commies and Nazis, to Truth, Justice and Adultery, the funnybooks have long been a sounding board for opinions on current events!

(And Superman apparently has the hots for his cousin!)

Currently playing: Orphan - Miracle

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Portrait of the artist as a young rapscallion.

The summer of 1994 was, for an impossibly large number of reasons, THE worst summer of my life. One bright spot, however, was my second full time job, pumping gas at Gord's Convenience Store, with my good friend, Claire Compton. We had a lot of fun there, and the rest of the staff were great.

We'd always joked about doing a "Men of Gord's" calendar. It really would have been a quarterly calendar, since there were only 3 men who worked there (Excluding Gord - however, as nice of a man he was, you wouldn't want to see him in this publication).

I'd completely forgotten about this idea, until I was reminded of it a few years ago by Claire, who had found the photos after almost a decade. Against better judgement, I'm sharing them on this blog. I've got a bad feeling that these pics are going to rear their ugly heads when I make my run for School Board Trustee, so I'd best come clean with them now!

I'm not sure who was manning the gas pumps this evening, where I got the tiger print satin boxers, where my hair went, or how many years it took for me to learn that white socks are a fashion faux pas, but it was a fun night in a pretty bleak summer.

Thanks to Claire for being the custodian of these photos all this time, and for not using them for blackmail purposes!

Currently playing: Bulletboys - Smooth Up In Ya

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

And in this corner......

If ever you phone Pizza Hut, and they tell you that they offer wings as a part of their all you can eat buffet, don't believe them.

It'll save you a lot of time and embarrassment.

Especially if you goad a fellow co-worker into an wing eating competition, then print up giant posters advertising said fact, and then cart those posters over to the Pizza Hut in plain view of everyone, only to settle for pizza, as the person on the phone (named "Dave") told you they had wings as part of the buffet, when really, they didn't.
My co-worker Joyce (pictured above), like myself, is a connoisseur of chicken wings. However, she possesses not the intestinal fortitude, nor mental stamina to go toe to toe with your's truly in a wing eating competition. While our efforts to settle the claim as to who shall assume the braggadocios mantle of "Supreme Second-Alternate Secretary of the Winnipeg Chicken Wing Appreciation Society" were stymied by the Pizza Hut employee named "Dave", I am certain that the two of us will find a date in the near future to prove that I am the best.

I'll keep you posted. Get your giant foam fingers ready.

Currently playing: Survivor - Eye of the Tiger