Thursday, March 23, 2006

Hung or Hanged?

I recently received the following email.

----------------------------------------
From: Cameron, Kirk
Sent: March 23, 2006 2:31 PM
To: Yaciuk, Donovan
Subject: Hung or Hanged?

Dear yaciuk.blogspot.com,

I've always wondered, what is the difference between the words "hung" and "hanged"? Both words are used to describe the past tense.. When should I use "hanged"? When should I use "hung"?

Love your blog.

Kirk Cameron
----------------------------------------

Hi Kirk, excellent question, thanks for writing! Well, your ex-girlfriend has been quoted as saying that you should never use the term "hung" when describing yourself.

Only an object can be hung, for example "The coat was hung on the rack".

Only a person can be hanged, as in "The prisoner was hanged at the crack of dawn".

For fun, you could combine both and say that "Kirk Cameron was hanged when the ladies found out he wasn't hung."

And now you know, the rest of the story.

Currently playing: The New Meanies - I'm on Fire

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Copycat

Most times I find myself yelling at commercials and throwing whatever is within reach at the television. I can't put my finger on why, but this commercial makes me laugh out loud. The scenario that it sets up is just too good.

Number one, this cat responds to the comments of his human co-workers, hinting that she understands English.

Number two, she's working at a feverish pace - there's like 5 or 6 of her "copies" drying on the wall in the background!

Third, she can't be bothered to turn and acknowledge the co-worker who has stopped by! Like a true master, she's really into her work!

Fourth, unlike a true master, her work isn't really good. That has to be the worst graph I have ever seen.

It IS pretty good for a cat though...

Currently playing: Haywire - Standing In Line

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Men are Martians, Women are Venereal

Cat and I had a rare day off together, and we spent it at the planetarium.

It was both fun, and informative.

Did you know that the planet Venus has a surface temperature of 425 degrees Celsius!!! Wow! That's hot!!!

Well, when you think about it, it's not THAT hot. It would still take you 12-15 minutes to bake a Venusian pizza. A ham and cheese breakfast quiche would still have to sit in the open air for 20 minutes, and you'd have to wait almost half an hour to for most muffins to be ready!

We also learned some dirty Astronomy facts today. Other than giggling at Uranus' unfortunate name, I also learned that there is an actual constellation called "poop", and that the adjective "Venusian", which is commonly used for Venus, is actually supposed to be "Venereal", but is avoided for obvious reasons.

Currently playing: Tom Cochrane - Sinking Like a Sunset

Saturday, March 18, 2006

The Crab With The Golden Claws

It all started with a piece of paper found in a tin of crab meat.

A globe spanning adventure would follow that tracked opium smugglers to the Moroccan desert, and would involve sea-plane hijackings, kidnappings, oceanic escapes, desert mirages and wine-cellar shootouts.

I was 5 years old, and I had just read my first comic book. It featured a lead character named Tintin, and was titled "The Crab with the Golden Claws" (originally published in French in 1941). I was hooked. For better or for worse, it started a lifelong love affair with comic books.

Comic books occasionally get a bit of a bad rap - sometimes rightfully so. There are a lot of bad and worthless comic books out there that cater to the fantasies of acne stricken men who have never been kissed, never shave, never shower, and never venture outside of their parent's basement (except to the comic book store, of course, although they probably just could order them over the internet and never leave their asses). Despite that, it is an art form that has also produced a lot of great and compelling stories.

(post continued below image)
When comics are done successfully, there are three stories going on - one told by reading the words, another by examining what was depicted in the pictures, and a third that is born when both art and words are combined. Check out the page posted above - it's not even written in English, yet the artwork still gives you enough information to tell a story.

As a child, Tintin taught me some pretty big words. Perhaps more importantly, it taught me that you can tell a story with a series of pictures placed one after the other that was usually far more stimulating to the imagination than television. Regular reading books were good too, but they only gave you words to feed on. My senses demanded more!

From a very young age, I knew that I wanted to be involved in this industry. I wanted to draw, write, colour, letter - anything! I dreamed of the day that I'd be able to open up a book and see my name in lights (or ink)! Over the years, I've come to accept that I do not have the artistic speed needed to draw stories for a living. I have however, been blessed to have been given the opportunity over the last few years to be a comic book colourist.

After months of continuing and steady moonlighting in the colouring industry, I've FINALLY given myself some time off (that made my wife happy!). I'd decided I'd take an hour or two out of this morning to go through a stack of books I'd purchased but hadn't yet found the time to read. One of the books that I'd just received was my (free!) copy of The Chronicles of Conan volume 9.

This was on page 3:
(post continued below image)
For the first time since I'd started colouring in 1998; for the first time since I'd started dreaming about being involved in this industry... my name. Listed on the same page as such industry giants as Peter Dawes, Wil Glass and Ian Sokoliwski (along with some lesser known players like John Buscema and Roy Thomas).

It made me think to that fateful night a quarter of a century ago, where I'd opened up a masterfully done book whose first page featured a character opening tin of crab meat. That night we'd both opened something that couldn't be closed or ignored that would start us down a path of adventure. While the adventure that led me to getting my first ever credit in a comic book didn't feature any kidnappings, seaplane hijackings, or escapes from opium smugglers, it was hardly less exciting.

Currently playing: Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra - Also Sprach Zarathustra (The theme from 2001: Space Odyssey)

Addendum: For some good comics that don't pander to the lowest common acne covered denominator, check out the following:
Maus: A Survivor's Tale
The Watchmen
Louis Riel: A Comic-Strip Biography
Tintin
Mouse Guard

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I am a beaten and defeated man

Now that we've finally got BOTH of our computers hooked up to the interweb, Cat and I are once again able to compete against each other in the MSN Minesweeper arena.

(For the uninitiated, MSN Messenger is an online chat application, where you can type messages to your friends, expose yourself via webcam, or in this case, play games such as Checkers or Minesweeper.)

Before we got married, Cat and I played Minesweeper for a good 4 hours a week. Looking back on all the games we've been hooked on over the years (Electronic Battleship, Air Hockey, Bust-a-Move, Midnight Club 3, Who Stole the Kishka) I've come to realize that my wife is a shark. The following pattern has made itself evident.

She'll quietly let me win the first two games. The first 20-40 seconds of the third game, she'll give me the illusion that our skills are close to being even. The fourth game, she'll almost let me think that I have a chance. From that point on, the pedal is to the metal, and it's Cat all the way.

It's gotten to the point where she's no longer content to simply win. She now has to see to it that I don't even register a single point.I want to warn you all now. If ever you come over, and Cat invites you to engage in any form of competitive recreational game, head for the nearest exit. Don't worry about your coat or baby - I'll mail them to you. I won't have the blood of yet another ego on my hands.

Cat has evolved into a remorseless, Minesweeping machine, who won't be stopped until your pants are drenched in your own tears. Not that I'm wearing any - we all know who wears the pants when it comes to games in this marriage.

Currently playing: Alexei Sayle - Didn't You Kill My Brother?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Jesus ate my hot blog

Marian apparitions are events in which the Virgin Mary is purported to have supernaturally appeared to one or more persons, typically but not always Christians, often Catholics in various settings.

One of the most famous Marian apparitions occurred in Fatima, Portugal. Our Lady of Fatima appeared to three young sheperds and revealed to them three secrets in the form of prophecies. The first secret was a vision of Hell (with a Capital H!). The second secret included instructions on how to save souls from Capital H Hell, and reconvert the world to Christianity. The third secret predicted the 1981 assassination attempt on Pope John Paul.

Well, this morning, I typed in the address of this, my own personal blog, and encountered the following.



Now, check the address bar in this screenshot - it says yaciuk.blogspot.com!!!! AmazingBibleStudies (spaces between words have been omitted to stay faithful to this source material) has hijacked my site!

Now trust me, as a person who has used Photoshop nearly EVERY day for the last 9 years, I'll tell you that this would be an incredibly easy picture to fake. But I swear on my grandmother's bingo dabbers that this is an authentic screenshot. The fact that I, a raconteur who would be able to fake this screenshot while blindfolded, am vowing that it is true, can only validate it's authenticity.

In accordance with naming conventions for Marian apparitions, I've called this Our Lady of yaciuk.blogspot.com (please note that the Catholic Church has yet to confirm this apparition.) . She has revealed to me that we all must enroll in these AmazingBibleStudies! !!!

Ok, maybe it's not a legit apparition. But it is a legit screenshot - this did happen! This "mega-site" (as it refers to itself) hijacked my blog this morning! Did anyone else experience this today? Perhaps you are experiencing it right now, and can't even see this message!!!! What am I to do? How can I possibly win against the power of Jesus? If he wants my blog, who am I to say no?

Currently playing: The sounds of Cat and I playing MSN Minesweeper

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Babies, babies, babies!

Has it been a week since I've last updated this ol' blog? It's been a busy week. I'm in the process of putting video footage of my niece Alexis on to DVD for our family to enjoy. There is 7+ hours of footage to sort through, so if I haven't updated in a while, you'll understand why!

She'll be turning 1 in a month, and looking back on all this footage, it's hard to believe how quickly it's gone by, and how much she's grown. It seems like just yesterday she was as tiny as she is here in the photo of her and her handsome uncle. He's so cute!!! (She's adorable too!) Alexis makes the effort of raising children seem easy - I'm not sure I've ever seen her act out, and she rarely cries or screams. When she was born, she let out a peep or two, and then just calmly sat in her mother's arms and looked out on her new family. All the other babies in the hospital could be heard wailing like banshees - not this one!

Also on this front, my best friend Dan Steffler and his lovely wife Lyndsay gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Friday morning. His email to me read, "Well there comes a time in every mans life when he has to throw his hands up and say holy c**p what do I do now?????". I think he's handling fatherhood very well!

And, when May comes around, my cousin Laura and her man Tyler will be giving birth to a bouncing baby boy! It seems everyone I know is having kids these days - can the time be near for Cat and I?

Currently playing: Neko Case - Hold On, Hold On

Sunday, March 05, 2006

One song.

Tonight is Oscar night.

Personally, I've never cared for Award shows. They just seem to be an excuse for Halle Berry to cry, Julia Roberts to show off her armpit hair, and Roberto Benigni to act like a methamphetamine-addled idiot. Ok, Benigni doesn't need an awards night to act like a complete fool. But spending an evening watching people pat each other on the back isn't really my idea of a good time.

The Grammys might be an exception for me, as the awards are separated by some occasionally worthy musical performances. But the Oscars? Unless the speeches were interspersed with some moments where Clint Eastwood and Heath Ledger do some fun improv, forget it, not worth my time.

Out of this year's nominees, my favourite film is "Walk the Line", starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. I want to share with you the dialog from my favourite part in the movie. In short, Johnny Cash auditions for legendary Sun Records producer, Sam Phillips, by performing a trite gospel song called "I Was There When It Happened". Phillips, unimpressed and uninterested, engages Johnny in the following conversation.

Sam Phillips: Hold on hold on. I hate to interrupt... but you guys got something else? I'm sorry. I can't market gospel. No more.
Johnny Cash:
So that's it?
Sam Phillips: I don't record material that doesn't sell, Mr. Cash... And gospel, like that, doesn't sell.
Johnny Cash:
Was it the gospel or the way I sing it?
Sam Phillips:
Both.
Johnny Cash:
Well, what's wrong with the way I sing it?
Sam Phillips:
I don't believe you.
Johnny Cash:
You saying I don't believe in God?
Marshall Grant:
J.R. come on, let's go.
Johnny Cash:
No. I want to understand. I mean, we come down here, we play for a minute, and he tells me I don't believe in God.
Sam Phillips:
You know exactly what I'm telling you. We've already heard that song a hundred times, just like that, just like how you sang it .
Johnny Cash:
Well, you didn't let us bring it home.
Sam Phillips:
Bring... bring it home? All right, let's bring it home. If you was hit by a truck and you were lying out in that gutter dying, and you had time to sing one song, huh, one song people would remember before you're dirt, one song that would let God know what you felt about your time here on earth, one song that would sum you up, you telling me that's the song you'd sing? That same Jimmie Davis tune we hear on the radio all day? About your peace within, and how it's real, and how your' going to shout it? Or... would you sing something different? Something real. Something you felt? Because I'm telling you right now, that the song that people want to hear. That's the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain't got nothing to do with believing in God, Mr. Cash. It has to do with believing in yourself.
Johnny Cash: Well I've got a couple songs I wrote in the Air Force. You got anything against the Air Force?
Sam Phillips:
No.
Johnny Cash:
I do.
(Johnny Cash begins playing "Folsom Prison Blues")

Awesome. The whole movie is filled with great dialog. The music is incredible, and was produced by T Bone Burnett, who was responsible for the equally excellent soundtrack to "O Brother, Where Art Thou". Joaquin Phoenix does his own singing, and learned to play guitar for the film. Believe it or not, Johnny Cash hand picked Mr. Phoenix for the role before he died in 2003. (June Carter-Cash also hand picked Reese Witherspoon to play her in the film).

Rather than spend a couple hours to see if anyone else thinks it's got the Best Performance by an Actor/Actress in a leading role, I'm going to bypass the Oscars all together. My time will be better spent watching this excellent film (or ANY other film for that matter!).

You should give it a try too.

Currently playing: It Ain't Me, Babe - Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon.
Currently colouring: Marvel Masterworks: The X-Men vol.6
PS: If anyone is avoiding this movie because of a dislike for Reese Witherspoon, don't. I wasn't fond of her acting chops in the slightest until I saw her in this film.