Junk Mail of the Week award #1

The winner of this weeks best Junk Mail ad...

Subject: Locate your mate online in your area!
From: Wilma_Eldridge@knp.unibe.ch
Sent: October 26, 2005 6:56 PM

While I would not recommend anyone visit the "Adult Action Cam", I must admit, in its poorly written English I found perhaps the best advice I've been given all year. That being, "If you like it, keep damn doing it".

May that be all of our epitaphs.

If anyone out there does try to take advantage of the services Adult Action Cam provides, I'd be interested in knowing what the "Flirt" button could possibly accomplish.

Currently playing: Parachute Club - At the Feet of the Moon

Well, it's official...

The Chicago White Sox have won the World Series!
Unfortunately, I was not able to watch a single game - this year's schedule coincided with the National "Who Can Sit Still The Longest" Playoffs. Don't get me wrong! It's not that I don't like baseball! It's just that there is only so much free time in a day, and I'd rather spend my time watching people try to maintain a stationary position, than watch a bunch of overweight, continuously spitting men run around a cockeyed square and pat each other on the bottom!

That, and the fact that I don't like baseball...

For those interested in the sport:
The Motionlessness Records from 1967 to now
4:30 hrs: William A. Fuqua (USA) 1967
5:32 hrs: Mardeana Odom (USA) 1974
5:40 hrs: William A. Fuqua (USA) 1975
5:43 hrs: Melody A. Schick (USA) 1976
6:31 hrs: William A. Fuqua (USA) 1978
7:02 hrs: Wolfgang Kreuzer (Australia) 1980
8:33 hrs: Melody A. Schick (USA) 1981
8:35 hrs: William A. Fuqua (USA) 1982
10:41 hrs: Ivan Jans (Belgium) 1983
10:58 hrs: William A. Fuqua (USA) 1984
12:48 hrs: Willie Nugent (Northern Ireland) 1984
13:00 hrs: Willie Nugent (Northern Ireland) 1985
15:02 hrs: A. G. dos Santos (Portugal) 1988
16:16:16 hrs:Martin Bukovsek (Germany) 1993
18:05:50 hrs: Radhey Shyam Prajapati (India) 1996
20:10:06 hrs: Om Prakash Singh (India) 1997
30:12 hrs: Akshinthala Seshu Babu (India) 2003
Notes: A claim of 22 hrs by Hatoino Delirio (Portugal) in 1997 was not officially confirmed. Akshinthala Seshu Babu stood motionless in Mahatma Gandhi's posture with a stick for 25:01 hrs in 2001 and for 35 hours in 2002. The record in 2003 was achieved without a stick.

Currently playing: La Bouche - Sweet Dreams
Currently colouring: Chronicles of Conan Volume 10

I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian!

From the Winnipeg White Pages,
2001 Edition
pg 261

Currently playing: U2 - If You Wear That Velvet Dress (live)

Crudulent Video Crimes #1: the People vs. Jefferson Starship

In the unlikely event that the defendant enters a plea of not guilty, I present to you the following evidence to back up the prosecutions allegation that, in 1985, Jefferson Starship committed unforgivable crimes against good taste by releasing the unspeakably bad video "We Built This City".

Exhibit 001: Abraham Lincoln.

Unable to control himself any longer, this monument breaks from the stationary pose he has held for nearly a century, and rises from his throne to help sing the chorus. Before anyone asks "Well, what's wrong with that!?", I just want you to sit and think about it for a second, and ask yourself.... what is right with that.

It also must be asked - what point does he serve starring in a video called "We built this city...". Abe wasn't a simple mason or city councilor, he had nothing to do with city building! He led the United States through the civil war and helped build the nation after... oh wait. I get it. A metaphor. Not only did we build this city on rock and roll, but, one can now assume that we also built this nation on it too! How clever! Too bad the rest of the video isn't....

I can think of a metaphor for this video too! It also has something to do with sitting on a throne...

Exhibit 002: Rolling dice.
Haven't quite got this metaphor figured out yet - but a pair of giant dice have apparently fallen off of a large building and are about to crush the neon wearing, mousse-laden denizens below.

I bet someone was paid a LOT of money to do this back in '85. The same effect can probably be achieved by any junior high school student on his home computer in a half hour.... Man, it sure looks cool though!

Exhibit 003: Mullets
Mullet? Check.

Terrible moustache? Check.

Stained wife beater t-shirt? Check.

White trash? Hell yes.

Exhibit 004: Unionized contractors built this city on rock and roll.







Perhaps it is best not to build a city on rock and roll - Lead singer Mickey Thomas leads his band through the obligatory impromptu rooftop jam to close out the video. If we are to believe that Mr. Thomas possesses a modest height of 6', then the idiot contractors who constructed this abomination made each story of the building approximately 4'6"!!! Mr. Thomas could not even stand up straight in a building in the city that rock built!

(Note: It is remotely possible that the door is of proper height and proportion, making Mr. Thomas' natural height 11'. However, a man of that height would dwarf the tallest man in recorded history (one Robert Wadlow, 8'11"). Surely one would make a better living as part of a traveling circus than fronting Jefferson Starship. I'm sure nowadays I could make more money begging outside a bus shelter than Jefferson Starship.)

We find the defendant, Jefferson Starship, guilty, of numerous violations against decency.

Currently playing: Lee Aaron - Sweet Talk

Redrum. Redrum. Redrum.

The first (and last) time I dared to watch Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, I was in my University days. It truly is one of the most suspenseful horror films ever created, and left me with such an incredibly disturbed feeling that I vowed to never watch it again. Then, I came across this...

http://www.ps260.com/molly/SHINING%20FINAL.mov

In the actual film, every surreal second is dripping with ugly tension. In this "slightly reworked" movie trailer, scenes from the film re-cut to pass it off as a "dramedy".

It's amazing to me how the images and scenes that inspired such dread in me the first time I saw the film, can be taken out of context and woven into something else entirely. (I suppose the soundtrack, and the archetypal "movie trailer narrator" tone helps ease the fear a bit too...;)

If you enjoyed that, there is also the (in my opinion, less successful) "Titanic as horror movie" trailer. http://www.ps260.com/elfollador/Scary%20Titanic.mov.

Currently playing: Bulletboys - Smooth Up In Ya

Hey, didn't I used to eat lunch in that Doctor's office...?

Cat is ramping up to direct another awesome WestJet video, and needed an out-of-the-way locale for a scene that required repeated honkings of a car horn. As her Locations Scout / Husband, I thought a good spot would be the old deserted Digital Chameleon building at 1100 Fife. I coloured comic books in it's hallowed halls from 1998-2001, some of the best times of my life. It's been collecting dust bunnies for a good 3 years now, and nobody would be disturbed by the noise we needed to make!

We packed up the video camera, made sure the car horn was in working condition, and hit the road. However, our journey was cut short - a slightly higher budget had moved into the building. Containing my excitement, I strained my eyes to see through all the movie trailers, vehicles, and crew to find "Falcon Beach Medical Clinic" emblazoned on the front door. So much for meeting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - it was a set for Falcon Beach, also known as the Canadian version of Dawson's Creek.

Not to be deterred, Cat and I set up our shoot in a back lane a block away. As was required by her script, we let loose on the car horn and finished our scene. If you happen to catch an episode of the show, and if that show happens to have a scene taking place in a clinic, strain your ears and listen to the background - lost amidst the terribly delivered lines, you just might hear the cry of a car horn... well my friends, now you'll know... the rest of the story.

And you can tell your friends that you know someone who used to eat lunch in the same room as this doctors office! Bonus!!!

Currently playing: The Fixx - Deeper and Deeper

Breaking news story....

It's official! Putting to rest the rumours that have been circulating the internet for months, Mr. T. has confirmed that there is little time in his busy life for jibba-jabba...

Currently Playing: Buck Owens - Why Don't My Mommy Stay With My Daddy and Me

Anatomy of a beer league logo

Every day, I wish I was asked "Donovan, how on earth did you come up with the idea for the logo of your Uncle's Hockey Team, Big Ern's Boys?" Well, it's high time I documented this extensive process - so to all those who wanted to know but we're afraid to ask, here goes!

Step 1: Find a good logo
Our team wears Ottawa Senators jerseys, so getting their logo as reference was a good place to start.





Step 2: Acquire photo of Uncle, preferably an embarrassing one
At this point, my Aunt Rose was enlisted to help - she managed to dig a vintage Big Ern photo out of the archives, this one dated to 1983.. I can't grow a good moustache, but man, if I could, I'd want it to have that gap under the nose. It's probably a good idea to not ask if he's wearing pants in this photo.




Step 3: Sketch out my Uncle's face
For those of you following along at home, this is what I call "the hard part". In more professional circles, it is referred to as "drawing".







Step 4: Add colour and shading
Don't forget to stylize the hair, not like that mane could be tamed by any sort of styling.







Step 5: Add the crest
Throw in the same background crest used in the Senators logo, and voila!







Currently playing: The Eagles - Heart of the Matter (live)